Month: February 2016

For anyone wondering how “I didn’t know” I was pregnant for 4 (or possibly 5, I’m still not sure) here’s what happened… (it’s kinda long and I’m trying to be a real as possible in case you or anyone you know feels like this, whether knowing your pregnant or not lol. It’s ok to feel crazy, just make sure you have someone to talk to about it…. thanks Laura and Ian:)
Ian and I decided we wanted to get prego in the fall of 2015, and in sept/oct I could have sworn I was. I took 5 home tests within about a month or so and they all said no. So I went to the Dr. and got a pee test and a blood test, both came back negative. I searched online for others that had negative tests but were actually prego and found some, so I still wasn’t totally convinced that I wasn’t.
This whole time I was nauseous, bloated, hungry, emotional and gaining weight (I’m sorry Ian). I really didn’t feel good and it felt a lot like being pregnant with Chevelle, But I didn’t want to feel disappointment if I actually wasn’t, so I tried to stop obsessing over it (because being a first born, I really wanted our plan to happen and with all the hormones going on I felt nuts) So I made an appointment with my Dr, for a physical unsure emoticon I figured if I wasn’t pregnant something else was up and I wanted to know how to fix it. In mid-December I had my physical and again the tests said no baby, but it was looking like I had PCOS. Not the end of the world but a pain in the butt. My Dr. put in a request to have an ultrasound to confirm, and when I got the letter it said I would have it in febuary…. great, now I had to wait about 2 months longer to figure this out. So needless to say I was pretty bummed. At this time my mental capacity to handle life in general was getting pretty iffy and I spent a lot of time doing nothing feeling exhausted. I thought I was over any depression and anxiety that I had dealt with over the years, and was pretty frustrated that it was coming back. I felt pretty helpless to stop it (those of you who have felt that know exactly how defeating it can feel)  I not only felt emotional , but I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was broken. I had almost completely stopped getting my period other then some spotting, which at first is one of the main reasons I thought, yay! baby! but everything said no. For the first time in my life I wished every day to get it. I knew I had to do something, because I noticed it was effecting Chevelle and that’s not OK.
So I went to Health trek in Selkirk and got tested, I told him what was going on and he gave me his cell number and told me to let him know when we find out we were pregnant ….. I think he knew lol. I decided that this was going to be my starting point, the point where I was going to finally get my health back,I wrote out a plan I had it all figured out. I was going to get to my goal healthy weight by this fall so we could try again then. There was no way I was going to feel this crappy and get prego again. I immediately started taking the herbs and followed the food restrictions, I felt better for a few weeks and then stared getting worse again. I had lost almost 15lbs by mid February but was stuck there. I finally felt like I was getting out of the cloud I was stuck in, but I started having panic attacks….. about nothing. (One of the funniest lines from Ian… now that I look back, was “I think I broke mommy” after I managed to laugh till I couldn’t breath, start balling, hyperventilate and back to crying…. thank goodness Chevelle was in the bathroom lol) . So I decided to go back to Health trek and said I think I need to switch something I’m still not prego and I’m feeling worse again. He looked a little confused for a second (probably because I didn’t know yet) but sure enough I did need to change them. I continued to do what he said….. mostly lol but cravings were getting stronger lol
It was not long after that I had my ultra sound. The night before I couldn’t help but notice how much this felt like pregnancy and how much this “gas” felt like a baby moving. I got up early and made sure I was all ready to go, and as I looked in the mirror I thought , I wouldn’t even be upset if someone thought I was pregnant in this dress… I look pregnant.
I got to my appointment,
“Did you drink your water?”
“Yes and I have to pee very badly”
I got into the room and the tech asked something to the effect of, “Why did your Dr. send you here today?”
“To see if I have pcos or not.”
“Why does your Dr. think you have that?” So I quickly explained.
“Are you pregnant?”
“Nope, we’re trying to figure out why though”
She got me to lay on the table to check my stomach and as I lay there dreading the next step, she put the wand on my stomach and looked at me with a look that said uuuuhhhhh. She said nothing and turned the screen towards me. There I saw a head and 2 little arms and 2 little legs.
“Are you kidding me! Seriously?! (I had a quick thought, what if I’m seeing things) What is that!!”
She just smiled.
‘Oh my gosh!” and then I cried lol.
She said that she technically wasn’t supposed to say anything, but I could clearly see. She was so great, kept asking if I was ok and seemed pretty happy that she could be the bearer of good news. She took pics and some measurements and I saw fingers and toes and a heart and a spine. It was beautiful. There was about 1000 things going through my mind, most of it being all the things that were explained over the last 4 ish months, holy crap, I’ve been taking medicine for the crazy headaches I’ve been getting, as well as I guess I have to create a whole new plan now…..
It’s still sinking in that there’s an actual baby in there. And I have to be honest I feel way less prepared then I did with Chevelle lol. Maybe because we found out at 4 weeks instead of 18+ with this one (who I’m sure is a boy) So now we wait for our next ultrasound to see if July 27 is correct or if its closer to the beginning of July. It’s hard to remember those details so long ago lol. Thanks for reading this, I know it was long, but in my bias opinion, pretty cool:) I’m starting to think maybe I should trust my gut more…smile emoticon And thanks to those of you who’ve listen to my crazy yammering over the past few months, you know who you are, it helped immensely.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to continue perusing Pintrest for boy outfits and the such:)